Life is Weird

Life is weird and sometimes crappy. You survive childhood by the skin of your teeth. Usually more damaged than normal. The ones that should love you and protect you are usually the ones that hurt you the most or turn their backs to your pain more than anyone. The ones that should see your pain and fear are the ones that avert their eyes. You go into your teens and young adulthood thinking you're tougher and smarter than those before. You make mistakes but all the while thinking you have it under control when in fact you're even worse off than you ever believed. Even though the lies you tell yourself speak the complete opposite. Your life starts spinning out of control before you even recognize that something isn't as it should be. And God willing, somewhere along the line something breaks through. Something finally sinks in that regardless of your past. Your actions. Your choices. You do not have to be the product of your circumstances. YOU decide what kind of person you will be. You decide that you are worthy of more than a passing glance and a grudging acceptance. Not because of your past but inspite of it! You find out that despite that you may not be the "best" person, you aren't that bad. You deserve more than the hand that life handed you. For me it was when I realized that although I didn't know my earthly father, my heavenly Father loved me enough to die so that he could know me. I realize I'm not perfect. I'm not the wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend that I could be. But I'm me. I don't have to try to be perfect for others. I have been made perfect by my Father.

Thank God that somehow I've been saved by His grace. I've been blessed to see miracles and wonderous things. I've even been blessed to witness heartbreaking scenes and circumstances that can bring someone to their knees. Blessed cause I know that no matter the fear or suffering, one day it will all make sense and I will be with the ones that went on before me. And I will be able to tell them everything I should have said while they were here. But until then, I just need to keep going. Keep trying. Keep reminding myself that I am blessed and that life is precious. And to tell those that I love that without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. And although I am not perfect I am grateful that they love me anyways. And though they may not be perfect either (cause none of us are), I am blessed and grateful to have people who love me for me, faults and all.