The four year anniversary of my pulmonary embolism was yesterday. And reflecting back on it and other things in the last two days has really made me think. So as I always do, I write. So here's the thing about me. I choose to be happy. I choose to smile. To enjoy my day to day life. Even the mundane, annoying, stressful things. I try my best to be positive in all situations. Sure I still get crabby and down. My depression is still a very real thing that I am almost in a constant battle with, although most would never know if I didn't choose to speak of it. And it's something I will struggle with my entire life. But I look for the silver linings and try to set the example for others. Even though my positivity actually makes some people mad. But some people are just like that. They thrive on it. They have to point out the bad and talk about your failures. Not to you of course, but to other people. Maybe to make themselves feel better? To excuse their own negativity? I don't know the reasons why. But I do know what I'm going to do about it. I'm going to smile. And I'm going to keep smiling. If my own happiness and positivity makes someone bitter, that's on them. I'm not going to let them steal my joy. I almost lost my life 4 years ago. More importantly, I almost lost the chance to grow old with my husband and watch my children grow up. So I refuse to let negativity rule my life. I will go through life happy and content in all things. Life has given me many reasons to break down and give up. But it's also given me so very many reasons to smile. So when need be, I will be my own cheerleader. I will choose to try and make the best of any situation. And I will live my life with my chin up and head in the clouds. I will dance in the aisle when the quiet gets too loud. I will be silly in serious situations just to make someone smile. Even if that someone is me. When things aren't working right and every thing is going wrong, I will point out whatever good I can find, no matter how insignificant it may seem. I will try and be the light in any situation. I will loudly stand up and right whatever wrong I can. When others are sitting back resting on their laurels, I will be building bridges for us all to use to get to the next step. Life is just too short to be boring or grumpy. And it's definitely too short not to spread happiness. Some may call it being naive or fake or that I'm trying to be liked too much or whatever. But that's okay. If the worst thing someone can say about me is that I am "too happy" then so be it. Because I am a good person and really do want everyone to be as happy as they choose to be too. And if tearing me down is what you need to do to feel higher than I will let you. Because I know my truth. I know that your bitterness will not change the way my loved ones feel about me. And at the end of the day, when I go to asleep, I will say my prayers of thanksgiving for another day with my friends and family and will say an extra prayer that you one day find whatever it is you need to bring fulfillment and happiness to your life. Because that's the difference between me and you. Whereas you would love deep down to see me fall, I would like nothing better than to see you rise! And when you do win at whatever you want in life, I will be one of the first to congratulate you and I promise that nothing will be fake about my smile.
