The other day I wrote about being sexually abused as a child. And while the outpouring of support from most friends and family were amazing, I couldn't stop thinking about the topic. Not thinking about it in regards to my personal experience (although of course I am but I'm doing better than I was) but thinking about in regards to actually discussing the topic at all. Because it is such a taboo subject.
Had I said "My mother went back to my abuser" it wouldn't have been nearly as scandalous as "My mother went back to my sexual abuser." And because I suffer from anxiety, I second guess myself forever in regards to everything. Maybe I shouldn't have shared this one. Maybe I should have worded it different. Maybe I should take the post down. But that's the problem with these types of things. People really truly believe we shouldn't talk about it. They ask why I have to "overshare" and talk about my problems with the whole world. People I work with, go to church with, people I know from my childrens schools. Is this really what I want them reading about me and my family? And my honest answer is no. No I don't want everyone in the world to know my business. It's embarrassing. It gives me stress hives. But it's something I feel called to do. Maybe that sounds prideful or pompous, I don't know. But every time I go back and forth about publishing something that I know will rock the boat, I always ask myself; Would this have helped me in any way as a survivor of abuse. And if the answer is 'Yes' or even a soft 'Possibly' then I share.
I truly feel that because these topics aren't discussed in polite company so to speak, survivors are never able to fully heal. Because the truth is, it shouldn't be embarrassing to me. It shouldn't freak me out. I didn't do anything bad. I had something bad happen to me. And I'm still trying to heal from that almost 30 years later. And part of the reason is because for 30 years, society made me feel that these are secrets best kept to myself. That nobody wanted or needed to hear about this typs of stuff. That it was in the past and I should let it go. I was made to feel quilty for talking about something that was done to me. And that's not okay. Society doesn't get to dictate how a survivor can "politely" heal.
Healing is gritty and scary and hard. Nobody should ever be made to feel less of a person for not being polite in their process.
So okay, maybe it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you don't think it's professional. Maybe you think I'm being dramatic. And that's okay. If that's how you feel, I truly understand. Probably more than you yourself understand. But if I can help or comfort just one person, even the tiniest bit by talking about these things, then I will continue to do so. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you or how embarrassed it makes me.
So let me share this last little tidbit on why I talk about the things I do.
Statistically, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are victims of child sexual abuse.
I have over 300 Facebook friends. And all of my posts on this album are public and can be and have been shared by people with 100's of their own friends. I'll let you do the math on the chances that if you aren't a victim yourself, you know one.
So yeah. I'm going to keep "oversharing."