With everyone posting about Fathers Day, I figured I should say something as well! I unfortunately do not know my father but have been blessed with many men in my life that have shown me what real dads are! My grandpa was the first! He was great! That man gave so much for all of us and got so little in return. Oh the things I would redo if I had the knowledge and maturity then as I do now! It's been almost 13 years and I miss that man more than I can even believe. And then my husband! I was so lucky to find a man that loves me as much as he does. And the work he does to take care of us, literally overwhelms me. I don't know how he does it! And when I see him with our children and the joy and love and the complete trust they have in him I could not love him more. Thank you Nick for being the kind of daddy that I always wanted my children to have! And then there is Nicks daddy Randy. He was taken much too soon and there is a hole in all of our lives that will forever be missing until we see him again one day! I know he would be so proud of all of his boys and the men they have become. And Earl. Thank you so much for being Papa to our kids! The fact that you are the only grandpa in their life, when you didn't have to be, is more than enough but the fact that you love them so very much is overwhelming. They adore you so much and I can't thank you enough for being a part of our lives! And I am so grateful for you! And there are so many more! Uncle Leroy, Jeffrey, Jonny, Nathaniel! I am so proud of the men you all are! I see you with all of your kids and I can not believe how great you all are! As they say, anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy! And you all are very special and I love you all! And tho I don't know my earthly father I am lucky enough to know my heavenly father! And there ia no greater blessing or love then His! How wonderful it is to have a father that loves me so much that he would literally die for me! It is an amazing feeling to know that as much love that I have for my own children, it doesn't even come close to the love He has for us! There is a great peace in knowing that though I don't have a daddy here, I have one beside me that will never leave me and that loves me more than I can possibly imagine!
Happy Fathers Day to all the daddys out there! And a very special wish to the mommy's who are daddy as well as mommy, and the daddys that didn't have to be! Your strength is beyond admirable and you are truly special people!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Teachers
So this is gonna be a little lengthy (and probably sappy) but a friend posted something earlier today about teachers and how they should remember to act towards and be towards their students. And it really, really struck a cord with me and has been running around inside my head all day. I had a lot of instances in elementary school where I was yelled at, embarrassed and just basically made to feel like I was worse than worthless and unwanted. By teachers! They weren't afraid to make me cry or talk about how dirty I was or how difficult I was being, to the other teachers, or more importantly, in front of the other kids. I just remember so much of my childhood being mortified, before I even knew what the word was! They didn't know my home life. They didn't know what I had already been through in my very short time on earth. All they knew was that they could say or do whatever they wanted; they were in charge. That was a lesson I learned very young. Adults don't always protect you and are usually the ones that hurt you. But for those teachers that hurt me, there were others that did so much good for me and made me feel like I wasn't a complete waste of space! They never did anything extreme. Just simple, every day things really. They were nice to me. They told me I did a good job. They encouraged my passions (namely reading and writing). Even if they did get frustrated with me, they didn't show it. They treated me like everyone else. And for me, that was major! We never know the difference we can make in the life of a child, especially in one that doesn't have much self esteem or confidence. So for all my teacher friends, please remember that you may be the ONLY brightness in a child's life. Please act accordingly! And to Mr Ralf Trusty and Mrs Ruthie Nelson. Thank you for being a light in my childhood. Rather you know it or not, you really have made a difference in someone's life. And I know I'm not the only one to feel that way. You are wonderful people and I am very blessed to have had you as my teachers. God bless you both!
Life is Weird
Life is weird and sometimes crappy. You survive childhood by the skin of your teeth. Usually more damaged than normal. The ones that should love you and protect you are usually the ones that hurt you the most or turn their backs to your pain more than anyone. The ones that should see your pain and fear are the ones that avert their eyes. You go into your teens and young adulthood thinking you're tougher and smarter than those before. You make mistakes but all the while thinking you have it under control when in fact you're even worse off than you ever believed. Even though the lies you tell yourself speak the complete opposite. Your life starts spinning out of control before you even recognize that something isn't as it should be. And God willing, somewhere along the line something breaks through. Something finally sinks in that regardless of your past. Your actions. Your choices. You do not have to be the product of your circumstances. YOU decide what kind of person you will be. You decide that you are worthy of more than a passing glance and a grudging acceptance. Not because of your past but inspite of it! You find out that despite that you may not be the "best" person, you aren't that bad. You deserve more than the hand that life handed you. For me it was when I realized that although I didn't know my earthly father, my heavenly Father loved me enough to die so that he could know me. I realize I'm not perfect. I'm not the wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend that I could be. But I'm me. I don't have to try to be perfect for others. I have been made perfect by my Father.
Thank God that somehow I've been saved by His grace. I've been blessed to see miracles and wonderous things. I've even been blessed to witness heartbreaking scenes and circumstances that can bring someone to their knees. Blessed cause I know that no matter the fear or suffering, one day it will all make sense and I will be with the ones that went on before me. And I will be able to tell them everything I should have said while they were here. But until then, I just need to keep going. Keep trying. Keep reminding myself that I am blessed and that life is precious. And to tell those that I love that without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. And although I am not perfect I am grateful that they love me anyways. And though they may not be perfect either (cause none of us are), I am blessed and grateful to have people who love me for me, faults and all.
Matt Whitchurch
Yesterday I had the opportunity to say a few words and as always my mind went blank so I stayed in my seat. And regreted it so much. Cause then later, as always, a bunch of words started running around in my head that I wanted to say but just didn't know how to earlier. So here I am again, with one of my long winded posts. Because I write. It's what I do. When life doesn't make sense, I write. When I'm angry, I write. When I'm happy or sad or scared or whatever, I write. And its okay if nobody ever reads anything of mine. Most of its for my eyes only. But sometimes I feel I have to share. So if you have a moment or two or fourteen, go ahead and give this a read. And then say a prayer and kiss your loved ones and give thanks that we are here to say I love you to our friends and family as much as we want to.
Once upon a time there was a young teenage girl. And she had three very best friends. One, a flower child. One, a wild child. And one, an all American child. And the four of them played and played and played. And they laughed and laughed and laughed sometimes so hard they almost peed themselves. They ran around, got into some trouble but somehow managed to stay out of any real trouble. They kissed some boys. They cried some tears over some boys. They danced. They sang TLC songs at the top of their lungs while driving around town with the windows down and feet dangling out. They had fun. Boy did they have fun. And above all, they loved each other. They were there for each other. Whenever, wherever. They were family when some of them didn't have much family. When all she might have had was her friends.
It was a magical time and for that young teenage girl, the happiest time she had ever had in her life. Whenever that girl was down, or upset, or sad, she always knew that she could go to the home of that all American girl. It was a wonderful home with a beautiful mom and a handsome dad. A mysterious older handsome brother and a beautiful fun older sister. And a cute and funny little brother. It was the American dream to that other girl. There were many nights where the girls would be running through that house in order to grab that shirt, or fix their hair, or borrow $10 for gas from the dad. I know they had to have given the mom so many gray hairs. But they were kind anyways. They laughed. They always laughed. You could tell how much they all loved each other. It was to me, and still is, almost unreal how much they all loved each other. Even if half the time they wanted to beat each other (and yes, they still do)! But now, that family is hurting. That family is going through something that is unnatural and unfair and heartbreaking. Because that cute and funny little brother, the family favorite, the baby, lost his battle to a horrible thing called cancer last week.
And yesterday I watched the family that I admire so much lay their son, their brother, to rest. I watched as an American flag was folded and placed in the arms of a 5 year old little boy who will never get to go fishing with his daddy again. I watched as a fathers body jerked with each shot that rang out and a mother sob as the notes of Taps played out. And I prayed for a peace that I knew would not come for a long time for this family. I prayed that God comfort them. And I asked why. I told Him that it wasn't fair. It wasn't right. And I looked around at the incredibly breathtaking scenery around me and I remembered the words of the preacher who said "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away". Matt was given to this world for a too short a time. That is undeniable. But the difference he made in this world was profound. He saw good in people when others saw nothing but bad. He made you smile when all you wanted to was cry. He comforted you when he was the one in agony. He lived his life setting an example of what it means to be a good person. He was truly the epitome of a great man.
And Matt knew where he was going. Straight up, he said. Matt's story isn't over yet. In a way, it's really just begun. He will live on in the hearts of so many people. An uncle will take that little boy hunting and talk about that time his father got lost in the woods. A grandfather will look at his grandson and see the same eyes of the little boy who he once taught to shoot and fish and will pull out a picture to show him of that Big Catch that his daddy caught. His friends will talk about him around the kitchen table and laugh at the memories of a better, more care free time. Matt will live on. Forever. In the hearts and memories of every one he ever met. And one day, we will see him at those heavenly gates, laughing at all of us and asking "What the heck took you guys so long, let me show you around." But until then, I will always remember Bud and smile and remember one of the happiest times in my entire life. I'll remember dragging him and my little brother out with us to cruise town because, as we told the adults, how much trouble can we get in with the two of them tagging around. Which, I can tell you now, was a frightening amount :)
So until we meet again Bud, I'll remember you with a smile and call Stubby an insulting name and give her a kick every once in awhile for you.
Rest in Peace Matt Whitchurch. We'll see you soon....
Once upon a time there was a young teenage girl. And she had three very best friends. One, a flower child. One, a wild child. And one, an all American child. And the four of them played and played and played. And they laughed and laughed and laughed sometimes so hard they almost peed themselves. They ran around, got into some trouble but somehow managed to stay out of any real trouble. They kissed some boys. They cried some tears over some boys. They danced. They sang TLC songs at the top of their lungs while driving around town with the windows down and feet dangling out. They had fun. Boy did they have fun. And above all, they loved each other. They were there for each other. Whenever, wherever. They were family when some of them didn't have much family. When all she might have had was her friends.
It was a magical time and for that young teenage girl, the happiest time she had ever had in her life. Whenever that girl was down, or upset, or sad, she always knew that she could go to the home of that all American girl. It was a wonderful home with a beautiful mom and a handsome dad. A mysterious older handsome brother and a beautiful fun older sister. And a cute and funny little brother. It was the American dream to that other girl. There were many nights where the girls would be running through that house in order to grab that shirt, or fix their hair, or borrow $10 for gas from the dad. I know they had to have given the mom so many gray hairs. But they were kind anyways. They laughed. They always laughed. You could tell how much they all loved each other. It was to me, and still is, almost unreal how much they all loved each other. Even if half the time they wanted to beat each other (and yes, they still do)! But now, that family is hurting. That family is going through something that is unnatural and unfair and heartbreaking. Because that cute and funny little brother, the family favorite, the baby, lost his battle to a horrible thing called cancer last week.
And yesterday I watched the family that I admire so much lay their son, their brother, to rest. I watched as an American flag was folded and placed in the arms of a 5 year old little boy who will never get to go fishing with his daddy again. I watched as a fathers body jerked with each shot that rang out and a mother sob as the notes of Taps played out. And I prayed for a peace that I knew would not come for a long time for this family. I prayed that God comfort them. And I asked why. I told Him that it wasn't fair. It wasn't right. And I looked around at the incredibly breathtaking scenery around me and I remembered the words of the preacher who said "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away". Matt was given to this world for a too short a time. That is undeniable. But the difference he made in this world was profound. He saw good in people when others saw nothing but bad. He made you smile when all you wanted to was cry. He comforted you when he was the one in agony. He lived his life setting an example of what it means to be a good person. He was truly the epitome of a great man.
And Matt knew where he was going. Straight up, he said. Matt's story isn't over yet. In a way, it's really just begun. He will live on in the hearts of so many people. An uncle will take that little boy hunting and talk about that time his father got lost in the woods. A grandfather will look at his grandson and see the same eyes of the little boy who he once taught to shoot and fish and will pull out a picture to show him of that Big Catch that his daddy caught. His friends will talk about him around the kitchen table and laugh at the memories of a better, more care free time. Matt will live on. Forever. In the hearts and memories of every one he ever met. And one day, we will see him at those heavenly gates, laughing at all of us and asking "What the heck took you guys so long, let me show you around." But until then, I will always remember Bud and smile and remember one of the happiest times in my entire life. I'll remember dragging him and my little brother out with us to cruise town because, as we told the adults, how much trouble can we get in with the two of them tagging around. Which, I can tell you now, was a frightening amount :)
So until we meet again Bud, I'll remember you with a smile and call Stubby an insulting name and give her a kick every once in awhile for you.
Rest in Peace Matt Whitchurch. We'll see you soon....
Be Strong & Courageous
A good friend asked me today how I still believed in God after all of the horrible things that had happened to me as a child. My response to that is always 'how can I not believe'. If there is an evil, which I know there is, then there must be a good. I know why bad things happen. I know why bad things happen even to the best of us. I don't like it. But I accept it. I have my faith to comfort me in the face of evil and sorrow and fear and everything else this world throws at me. I understand how people don't believe. I really do. But when the absolute worst happens I couldn't imagine not having Him to lean on. My husband, children, friends and family can only do so much. My hope. My comfort is in the Lord. I am never completely happy or satisfied in my life unless I am in an active relationship with Him. I know that no matter what, I can turn to Him. That when I hit rock bottom and I have no way out I can lean on Him and let Him take the wheel, and I will be okay.
But it's hard. Especially when you get news you can't understand. When one moment everything is fine and the next you're left gasping for breath from the punch life just gave you. It's hard. And I hate it. And I'm struggling to accept things and be positive and not let evil win this round. But again, it's hard. So please pray for understanding and comfort and hope and healing and everything else that we all could possibly need right now.
And to my family and friends hurting and scared right now, know I am praying for you. Know that no matter what petty fights or squabbles or hard feelings any of us may have with each other, we are family and you are loved and things will be okay. I am grateful to be a part of this family even if the whole lot of you are quite possibly certifiably insane! Just remember to take it all one day at a time and have faith and lean on one another and on Him.
Deuteronomy 31:6 “ …Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
But it's hard. Especially when you get news you can't understand. When one moment everything is fine and the next you're left gasping for breath from the punch life just gave you. It's hard. And I hate it. And I'm struggling to accept things and be positive and not let evil win this round. But again, it's hard. So please pray for understanding and comfort and hope and healing and everything else that we all could possibly need right now.
And to my family and friends hurting and scared right now, know I am praying for you. Know that no matter what petty fights or squabbles or hard feelings any of us may have with each other, we are family and you are loved and things will be okay. I am grateful to be a part of this family even if the whole lot of you are quite possibly certifiably insane! Just remember to take it all one day at a time and have faith and lean on one another and on Him.
Deuteronomy 31:6 “ …Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
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