Be Strong & Courageous

A good friend asked me today how I still believed in God after all of the horrible things that had happened to me as a child. My response to that is always 'how can I not believe'. If there is an evil, which I know there is, then there must be a good. I know why bad things happen. I know why bad things happen even to the best of us. I don't like it. But I accept it. I have my faith to comfort me in the face of evil and sorrow and fear and everything else this world throws at me. I understand how people don't believe. I really do. But when the absolute worst happens I couldn't imagine not having Him to lean on. My husband, children, friends and family can only do so much. My hope. My comfort is in the Lord. I am never completely happy or satisfied in my life unless I am in an active relationship with Him. I know that no matter what, I can turn to Him. That when I hit rock bottom and I have no way out I can lean on Him and let Him take the wheel, and I will be okay.
But it's hard. Especially when you get news you can't understand. When one moment everything is fine and the next you're left gasping for breath from the punch life just gave you. It's hard. And I hate it. And I'm struggling to accept things and be positive and not let evil win this round. But again, it's hard. So please pray for understanding and comfort and hope and healing and everything else that we all could possibly need right now.
And to my family and friends hurting and scared right now, know I am praying for you. Know that no matter what petty fights or squabbles or hard feelings any of us may have with each other, we are family and you are loved and things will be okay. I am grateful to be a part of this family even if the whole lot of you are quite possibly certifiably insane! Just remember to take it all one day at a time and have faith and lean on one another and on Him.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “ …Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Family Struggles

There's a quote that I really love and that always stands out to me around the holidays. "Like branches on a tree. We all grow in different directions but our roots remain as one."
Our family isn't perfect. There's been times where we've stopped talking to one another. There's been times where we've all made mistakes. There's even been times where I didn't know if I'd ever see certain family members again. But like the quote says, our roots remain the same. Sometimes, if we're very lucky, we find our way back to one another. And what we all have to remember is that tomorrow isn't promised. No matter what someone's done to you in the past, we are family. And there's not that much of us left. Our children are growing up and will one day have their own families and as much as we talk about them, our memories are not theirs. They won't know about the tire swing. Or old man Owen. Or the dang mean emu's of Leonard's. Or know the greatest man any of us ever knew. One day those memories will be gone, along with us. So appreciate today. Love each other while we have the chance. Forgive past grievances and concentrate on today. Not a one of us are perfect but every single one of us are worth it, I promise! You will be amazed at what a simple phone call or text message can do to mend a relationship or heartache. Or how much it might mean to someone. Even if I don't see you very often, or I only cross your mind on occasion; every day you're in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that we always find our way back to each other and that we all know that we are loved. And with that I'll leave you with another quote that I'm pretty fond of. "Forgive others. Not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace!"
I love each of you and am so grateful for our dysfunctional, crazy wonderful family! Merry Christmas and I wish you each health and happiness in the new year!

Grandpa

14 years ago today the world lost a great man and I lost the one person in my life who had never hurt or disappointed me. Although the pain of his passing has eased it is still one of my greatest sorrows. That my husband and children will never know the man I called papa and who showed me more than anyone ever has, how to be a kind, caring and giving person. Although God knows he wasn't perfect, he was pretty amazing. Nick has always said that I would not only give someone the shirt off of my back but that I'd give it to them even if it meant freezing to death myself. And it's true. One of the things I define myself by is my need to help others. In anyway I can. And I credit my grandpa for that. The man worked and worked and gave and gave and was never more than a step ahead. But he was happy. He was content. He had family that loved him and his family was well fed and no one he ever met would lack for a roof over their head. I've lost count of how many people called my grandpa's house home for at least a little while. If he saw a need, he did his best to fill it.
I will never get over his loss. I know this and I am happy for it. When you lose someone who was the greatest contribution to the person you are, you shouldn't get over it. But you do grow from it. You learn from it. You heal. Just in a different way than you expected. And you decide to live your life in a way to honor your loved one. And I hope that I've done that. I hope he'd be proud of me. Cause I am so very proud of him!

Mom

Happy "Birthday" to my momma :) 30 years ago today a beautiful and scared young lady gave birth to me. She could have chose a very different (and easier) path instead of the one she did and I'm so very grateful she didn't. Things have not always been easy but I am here today because of you. I am not always perfect. I have many flaws. But I think I've turned into a pretty decent woman and you have helped me become that woman. You gave me a chance at life while still basically a child yourself. And now, God willing, my own children will grow and have children of their own and so on and so forth. All because you chose life.
You chose me.
Thank you momma. I love you forever...

Grace DeGraffenreid

Early this morning the world lost an amazing little girl named Grace. If you didn’t have the privilege of getting to meet her just know that Grace was the true definition of a warrior princess. From day one she has fought with a strength and wisdom beyond her years. She has defied the doctors predictions from the get go and fought with an amazing grace that was so befitting of her name. And with all of the sass of any true princess! There isn’t a man (or woman) around that could say no, or even wanted to say no to, her little princess requests! And as blessed as we were to know her, she was equally blessed with the family that God so graciously loaned her to. Watching them through the night and this morning was a humbling experience for me. The way they gathered around each other to support one another. How they kept putting each others needs ahead of their own, time and time again. The way that they surrounded Grace and her parents and brother with so much love to support them in their time of need. Where Grace got her determination and heart from is no wonder! You are all simply amazing.

I truly believe that Grace was here for a reason; to show us all how to truly live and love. Every single person who ever met her knew immediately that she was love personified. She lived and loved with a fierceness that most of us are never smart enough to learn how to do.

A song has been playing in my head for hours now and I really think that she knew exactly what life was all about. That no matter how many mountains you have to climb, and knowing full well that there was always going to be another mountain around the bend, life is all about the climb. It’s about spreading love and laughter and helping each other along the way. It doesn’t matter how difficult the mountain is, it’s about getting there! Making the journey worthwhile! And boy did she and her family make it worthwhile. She was a very happy girl who knew without a doubt how well she was loved. And she loved her family just as much, especially her mommy, daddy and big brother! The strength of the 4 of them is something I can’t even describe. She was a very lucky girl.

And as happy as her family made her, she is happier now than any of us can comprehend. Today she won her battle and I know she ran straight into the arms of our Father. She is free from all pain and discomfort. She is now skipping and dancing with the angels and with the family that’s gone on before her to help plan her celebration party. Cause we can only imagine the party that was waiting for her when she arrived! I’m sure it’s still going on and that there is a line of angels a mile long waiting to get their nails painted by Gracie!

And now it’s our turn to carry on the rest of our journey. With the same love of life that she had. As hard as I know it will be we can’t give up. Cause she would whoop us if we did! Love and be loved. I think that was her secret to life. She loved so hard and was loved back just as much.

God bless you Gracie. Thank you for teaching us all so much in such a short time. Thank you for being our Saving Grace. We will see you soon kiddo…