David Glowczewski

A little over a year ago I posted about my friend Matt, my friend Jennifer's baby brother. His death was the worst thing that had ever happened to his family and something that no pain could ever match. But I was so very wrong. Because less then two years later I once again had to hold my best friend in my arms and try to find words to comfort her as she laid to rest her oldest brother. And the words have failed me all week. All there has been is tears. Tears for my friend David. For his sister's Jennifer and Tara. His parents Larry Joe and Fran. His beloved wife Debbie and their 6 children. Tears because I can't understand the pain of losing a child or one of my siblings. And I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing two. Or of losing my husband. But for whatever reason, He called them both home early. It's not something I can understand. And will probably never understand while still on this earth. But we know that one day all will be made clear to us. But in the meantime, we're hurt. We're angry. We feel forsaken. Betrayed by a God that we trust and love. And that's okay. He can handle our anger. He's got mighty shoulders and can take our tears. In fact, He wants to comfort us and will one day wipe our every tear. We just have to hold on. And have faith.
And as Tay said today, we should remember David with a smile and a laugh. Because that's what he would have wanted. He wouldn't want us to think of him and be sad. He'd want us to mourn for him, because that's how we heal. But then he'd want us to smile for him. To crack a joke and share a laugh. Cause he was full of love and laughter. And believed everyone else should be too. Some of my fondest memories are of hanging out with David. Whether it was going back and forth to Salem to pick up Kendra. Or babysitting Brad and Brit while David worked. Or more often than not, just hanging out at David's house cause me and Stubby were broke and her mom was mad at her so we couldn't beg for more gas money from her to cruise town :) And hanging with him was always one of my favorite things to do. It was like I had the surrogate big brother that I always wanted. And it was always fun, even if all we did was watch TV and talk and laugh. Plus he'd always give me a book or two that he had just finished reading and knew I'd like. :) He was just a great man. From a great family. And my heart hurts for all of you left behind. I love you all, more than you could possibly understand. You all gave me so much happiness and I will forever be grateful to you. For allowing me to be a part of your amazingly loving, funny, beautiful, sweet, caring, ornery, family. I can't make the pain go away for you, although I wish I could. I can't answer the why's. But I can assure you that as joyful as David was while with us, he is more happy and joyful than we can even begin to imagine right now. He and Bud are both celebrating their reunion and awaiting our arrivals. And want you to be happy. They wouldn't want you to be sad for too long. Because they are so very happy right now. And are watching over you. And let's be honest, probably making fun of all of you :) Please be happy again. Please don't let your joy go away. It would break their hearts. I know it will be hard. But they'll give you the strength you need to smile again. Even when you don't feel like it, smile. For them.

PTSD in Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Most people know that I was abused as a child. I've never kept it a secret. It's not my sin. I didn't choose it so why should I be embarrassed about it? And I truly believe that because these things aren't spoken about, it helps to let the abuse and stigma around abuse to continue and keeps the healing from coming for the victims. Yes, I was severely sexually abused for many years by a family member and have suffered from depression, anxiety and PTSD for decades. But I survived. In the only way I could.

I came across this article a few days ago and wanted to post about it but had some other things going on. But you guys, this article is spot on. It is a long, in depth read but if you have a friend or family member and statistically you do, probably more than 1 actually, that has been abused. Or if you are a survivor yourself. It is so worth the read. You will understand so much more about us and how we've survived. My husband has struggled by my side for 15 years trying to navigate the minefield that is PTSD. He has seen more of the ugly side of me than anyone else has ever seen. And it's been hard on our marriage at times. But he's stuck by me through every nightmare, angry lash outs, and crying spells over the most trivial of things. And that is my biggest regret. That he has to hurt for what was done to me. He hurts for me because I hurt. Although I know he wouldn't trade it for the world, it's not fair to him.

But anyways, here is a very small excerpt from the article. Kind of shows the many sides of survivors personalities. We may act fine and extroverted but in reality it's a facade that we put in place to keep others from digging too deep into our psyche and seeing the ugliness.

 "Survivors with PTSD may avoid any intimate connection, often resulting in feelings of detachment or estrangement from others....Survivors often have highly developed social skills and may seem to be extremely extroverted, but their dealings with others may preclude vulnerability"

Please take 10 minutes if you can and read it. And maybe the next time one of your friends or family members acts out in a certain way, you just might understand a little better. Or the next time your friend has to take an anxiety pill over something trivial (to you) you might understand why the trivial things are so much harder for us. When something sad happens, you might understand a little better why we can't function for days when most are over it within a few hours.

Just read it, for me. Please.http://www.naasca.org/2011-Articles/081411-PTSDinAdultSurvivors.htm